Timestamps
00:00 Personality descriptions
03:52 Cultural conversation
05:55 Assertive openness
10:21 Justifying cruelty
13:37 Machiavellianism
15:30 Systemizing personality
19:11 Introduction to video
22:04 Appearances and male psychopaths
29:53 Psychopathy and media
30:40 Appearances and male psychopaths
33:01 Sexual preferences
35:00 Machiavellians vs normal competitiveness
37:15 Family meandering talk
38:32 Peer relations with Hedonism
39:15 The adventure of Hedonism
42:49 Quality and mental side effects
44:29 Prioritisation and quality
46:51 Authority and recent history
51:33 Bribery and Grandiosity
54:09 Studies on women
54:31 Surviving Openness/Sapiosexual conversations
1:01:11 Sociosexuality
1:03:48 Skills
1:05:16 Partners, Phobia and Fearlessness
1:09:46 Sociosexuality and Neutrality
1:12:01 Assortative mating
1:14:04 Hedonistic careers
1:15:43 Hedonism and Assortative mating
1:22:41 Breaking a Psychopath's cruelty
1:39:33 Enthusiasm vs Disagreeableness
1:40:31 Conscientiousness and Focus
1:43:33 Psychiatric Industry
Script
Hello, welcome to Deviant Psychology. Still remembering to say it. Some part of my brain's like, say it, say it, say it, say it.
I want to talk today, just briefly, about Hedonism. So I realised that I'd probably not delved into this at all and it can just be a singular video. So, I want to say this in a non-prideful way. That's why I'm going to say it in a short video. Lol short.
So Hedonism for me is kind of the most defining thing about my personality. You say I'm smart, you say I'm kind (wield rather than be wielded by my cruelty), whatever, you want to say. All these different things about me.
But from my opinion of myself, Hedonism is the most differentiating thing between me and other women, which I didn't know when I was young. So my Disagreeableness, obviously, I ‘would think’ would be the greatest difference. I'm 7th percentile in Politeness. This is very unusual for a female to be that low.
And I'm very, very high in Openness. Just these two correlates alone, 99th percentile in Assertiveness. These personality traits are very unusual. Well, the assertiveness is more usual for a female than a male, but still, to be so peaking and so low in things is unusual. But I don't think they're the most defining things about my own personality because when I interact with other people, other people can kind of understand them.
Note at 1:32
I believe women are slightly higher than men in Extroversion. So there would be lots of assertive women.
But I find that with women, when I discuss Hedonism… I was talking to a coworker about it yesterday and I realised that she's more Hedonistic than usual. And I was like, “oh, this is nice”. So when I told her crazy things about my life, she was like, “that's cool”.
But most women I can't have that kind of conversation with. And I want to kind of explain how that works for me. Because it's a weird thing as you end up going to extremes as a Hedonistic female, proving that you're justified. That your personality is justified.
It's like if you're a man and a woman says, “oh, you're really cute,” you go out of your way to not be cute after that because you don't like being called cute. Most men, because it's a feminine word, it's like saying you're a baby, you're a child, you're a puppy.
Note at 2:36
The man would endevour to reassert their personality in the image they see themselves internally. To match the external with the internal.
It's not as impactful as other words that women could call you. So it's somewhat a slur and women don't know. I never knew. I used to call guys cute all the time. But I'm attracted to weird things, so it's not for me, it was not a negative correlate overall but anyway.
But I get why men think it's a negative. Like some women use cute towards men in ways that mean something non-sexual, even though it's meant to be a compliment. Because it's a non-sexual compliment. So that's what the problem is. Anyway, I'm not going to discuss the validity of the english language here...
Note at 2:57
Men want to imbue in women a desire that they are a protector, rather than to be protected by them as they would a baby. Like women avoid words like homie, bro, g, motherfucker, brutal, rip, cunt, etc - because they understand these make them seem more masculine. Using the words cute, lovely, honestly, gettogether, help, etc the opposite. Men dont say, "please help me" they say, "can you give me a hand with this." It means the same but is differentially Disagreeable. You're not lowering your status to be construed as begging in any way, just incase someone accidently thinks that.
No word is wrong its just less commonly used by the opposite gender. Obviously a man will use cute and a woman will use cunt it's just less common. Women also use the word cute accidently to show they have chosen a less powerful word because they may see you as less of a protector. But as I said, depends on the woman specifically - is she a sugar mummy personality, etc? I am very Disagreeable, so some of the Agreeable men I find attractive as my flip may be "cute". But even I realised the analysis was accurate once being told about the subconscious slight. Obviously referring to single people here.
When I meet a lot of women, I meet women who are high in Openness. So I tend to meet a lot of weird women who deviate.
Note at 3:33
I like to associate with lots of kinds of people, across the political, ethnic, IQ, and personality spectrums but those high in Openness get awed by me the most I find. I am useful to their minds as mine is so high. I just force them to listen to my wildness and they get drunk on the repeated forced awe.
In difference, I get that awe for people with an inability to say no to their Conscientiousness and Openness. Both have a fighting voice inside the person. The tug of war in the person dazzles me. A strict creative. A hard working artist, etc. I push their creativity and they have to control my push as their Conscientiousness is trying to sort and order my new data as fast as they can.
I wait to see. I slow down my heat. Because I want to see what Conscientiousness and Openness combined produces for me with my data. My ego waits because I think it will statistically be more unique than just either/or trait alone. Ie, they restrict me and I help unrestricted them.
Okay, I will say one more thing about the current and then I'll start with the past. When I was teaching English online, I was teaching [mostly] Japanese adults for two years. And I loved it because Japanese are quite smart and their personality varies from the average Japanese personality varies from the native English speaking personality.
They're more introverted, their culture is different. So they're bad at having small talk, talking about their feelings and their opinions, because in their society, they're not asked. So it was great for me to learn, as an English teacher, to try and justify small talk because I don't like small talk.
I had to learn to flip myself and to say, “oh, small talk is great”. And to validate small talk, to justify my culture, it was fantastic. And the things that I thought about as to why small talk exists… I didn't realise. Because even going to Germany, small talk's not a thing. I lived in Germany for three years.
I didn't realise how valuable the stupidity of small talk was. If you're walking down the street, and everyone ignores you. Nobody says, “hi”. Nobody says, “what's up?” Nobody says, “how's your day, mate?” Nobody says that shit. You're just more lonely. In English speaking societies, you're arguably less lonely because what the small talk is mostly about is acknowledging your humanity.
So you're walking down the street, you see someone, “hi”. “Hi”. Someone acknowledges you exist. That's great. That may have been the only person that day that's acknowledged you're here. You're a human. Maybe you work all day with the machine, you're not talking to people. That may be all you need.
Say hi to the bus driver. “How you going, mate?” The bus driver, nobody may have talked to them that day. One person, “hey, how are you?” They're like, “good thanks”. It's to acknowledge the humanity of a person, to see them as a person. I didn't realise that until I had to justify small talk, because I fucking hate talking about nothing.
I want to talk about something. Talk to me about Philosophy or Politics or fucking Space. Talk to me about. Was it… space, aliens, dark things..? I don't know. There's like, always a rhetoric that people say, and aliens is always in there. You talk to me about aliens. I love it.
The general disposition of people towards aliens has changed rapidly in the last 20 years. When I bring up aliens now, people are okay with it. 20 years ago, not so okay. You bring up 9/11. That always gives a stir. Each country would be different though. If you bring up 9/11 in the US, it would create less of a stir than other western countries. Because then native, American-born has done more research on the topic. It's interesting though.
Physics. If you get someone who's got a degree in physics and then you tell them some stuff about 9/11, they scientifically freak out.
Anyway, but it's all topical conversation that's meant to ostracise. It's just meant to be on the edges of Openness. It's meant to because this is Disagreeableness plus Openness. You're Disagreeing with the Collective and you're bringing up anything that's at the edges of conversation. At the edges of Openness. At the edges of people's capability to lie.
You can't lie if you've never heard about it before. People have to think on the spot. They have to use their… not their creativity, but they have to actually bond with you. They have to actually learn something in the conversation. They have to use the Openness. There's no other way.
The Openness has to be used because you’re taking in new information. You have to take in the information to stay alive in the conversation. And if you can't, then you have to fold. You have to say, “I quit.” “I can't compete.” “I can't debate with you anymore.” Because at the start of the conversation, ‘everybody’ should fold by default. Because they have no data.
If I started talking to you about the validity of Entanglement in Quantum Physics and whether it's possible that quantum computing will either ever get to the point where it's in the home. Someone was telling me the other day, it has to be zero degrees or something, the computer. As to whether your computer at home will ever be able to stabilise at zero degrees to be able to be at the home, you've never probably thought of that. I'm just throwing out random data.
It's not your ability to think critically about the data [IQ]. You can say something shit in response. But it's your ability to be able to intake the new. I can say something very simple like, “did you know poodles, the new split breeds of poodles. Did you know poodles don't shed fur in the house? That's why so many people buy them and they're becoming such a popular breed because poodles don't shed fur.
So the labra poodle, the cava poodle, or whatever. All these half-poodle breeds with other breeds of dogs, everybody buys them because they don't shed in the house. So they're really good in-house dog. What do you think about dogs being kept in the house? Do you think this is good for dogs?
Do you think dogs should have a backyard? What do you think about the proportion of ratio in countries about dogs versus cats? It's like in Australia, dogs outweigh cats 70 30. Most countries it's like 50 50. But in some countries, like Japan, only 10% of people have pets.
What do you think about these statistics? Do you think it's okay to have a dog in a house? Do you think some dogs are better built for the house? Do you think there should be a size ratio?” It's a very simple topic, but it's things you've never thought about before.
You have to think on the spot about things. Because it's pushing your Openness. The more the topic becomes not your area of expertise. Maybe you've had a dog before, fine. But if I bring up that conversation with someone who hasn't had a dog, they struggle twice as much, and that's what I want to see.
Note at 10:16
I purposefully bring up what makes you struggle to witness your personality more depthfully.
I want to see someone not know something, have no opinion prior, suddenly have to talk about something that they don't know and see how they survive in the conversation. Because if you lie, you repeat what you've seen on TV, you say what you think I want to hear. All these things.
You're implying that I can then manipulate you because you're not using your brain properly. So I'm going to use it for you.
I'm going to push you and I'm going to show you that you've corrupted yourself. You're being a less quality human. Because if you're a psychopath and you have ethics, you have to find a way to get around the ethics.
If I've decided no, humans have a right to exist. Humans are humans. I have parents, I have siblings, I have extended family, I have friends, I have coworkers. There's all these people that you justify existing. So then you have to justify the stranger.
Your higher in Openness, you prefer strangers, so you have preference. So you meet the stranger, you're like, “right, you have a right to exist.” So how am I going to prove you don't have a right to exist? Are you using your brain properly? Are you being true to what you are born to be, to your birth presence.
Note at 11:36
You are a human. But do I have to turn that worldview off right now as when 'running into war.'
Mind flashed back when editing to the first 5 mins of this episode with the clip…
So if I meet you and I know pretty quickly you should like dogs and know about dogs, because you said you had a dog right. And I start talking about dogs and I realise that you don't like dogs.
Why do you have a dog if you don't like dogs? And I start to get further and further into it, and then I realise you've got a dog just because you think other people think you should have a dog. So I realise you probably treat your dog like shit then, because you don't really like it.
Note at 11:49
Now pretend I see ideas like dogs. Reread the last two paragraphs exchanging the word dog for opinion or idea. Using the same generalised emotions towards dog:
“So if I meet you and I know pretty quickly you should like opinions and know about opinions, because you said you had an opinion right. And I start talking about opinions and I realise that you don't like opinions.
Why do you have a opinion if you don't like opinions? And I start to get further and further into it, and then I realise you've got an opinion just because you think other people think you should have an opinion. So I realise you probably treat your mind like shit then, because you don't really like what minds produce.”
People do this all the time with their partners right. People date people that they think other people respect and they date the wrong person. They treat that person horribly because they're dating the wrong person. You're just dating them for status reasons and things like this. There's all these reasons that people do things that they don't think about how ethical their decisions are.
They're just going with the flow, and that's fine. I'm not going to fucking murder them. I'm not going to do anything to them except to make them see. Some people, they just go in a pattern. They're just going with the system and they don't realise the system isn't doing what they want.
Note at 12:50
And I can be their bogeyman by showing them.
I will argue with them for 40 minutes about something until I crack into a part of their brain where they can see the other side of what they're doing. And it's totally fine. I don't care if they fucking change it.
They could stay married for fucking ten years. They could stay together for another ten years. You generally don't crack a marriage. They've made their decision, they're in. They probably have children, but with the dog. You make them see that maybe they possibly are not treating their dog okay. Maybe it'll end up better for the dog right.
You choose to alter a person's perception with your Openness because you have so much force to do that. I can fully force you to believe whatever I want you to believe. Because when I say that, you have to understand, I see it differently than that phrase implies. When I say I can force you to see the way I want you to see it, I know it won't stick for very long.
If you're watching a movie, you’re immersed into the movie. Just as long as the movie is on. When you leave, most people shut off that immersion. It's the same when you're talking to me, you're immersed in what I'm saying. You're going with the flow. You're just going with it because it's habitual behaviour.
That's how our brain works. When I'm talking, I'm talking. I'm talking to you. Say you're drunk at a pub and I'm talking to you. Your brain is more likely, even if you're a highly sceptical person, you're still going with the sounds. You're still going with the body movements. I might touch you lightly on the shoulder.
You're immersed in the atmosphere, the atmosphere, everything around you. You're one person. The atmosphere is millions of things. It's very hard to shut off all immersion. But when you push into that part of the person's brain and you make them see the other side, that's technically all you need to change a person, because they'll go home and they have to sort the data.
It's like when you sleep, your brain dreams. It's sorting through the data. Once something's in there, you have to sort it in and out. And when I'm not there, the person will justify the validity of the argument for themselves as if they were talking to themselves. Because the unconscious will tell you, your brain will tell you. You're like, “oh, yeah, what do I think about having a dog?”
Things like this, you just start to think, “what do I think about quantum computing? Would I ever have a quantum computer? Would I ever be able to keep something at zero degrees in my house. Maybe not. Maybe they would have to build really strong cases.”
I have liquid cooling in my computer. And when someone told me that it had to be zero degrees, I'm like, “I can run the liquid cooler on the right way to make sure there's no air bubbles in it, to make sure there's no sound.” I upgraded to… I can show you actually, because the computer is not together, my computer is in pieces right now. This is my water cooler. Yeah, it's very sexy. It’s an AIO, is that the brand's name? I forget. It's got no sticker on it.
‘Cause I was looking at my computer shell. My computer shell is here, like the chassis (in front of me), but there's nothing in it because I took all the parts out. I tried to put in a part and it broke, which is very normal for me, but I don't know what broke.
This is a very weird segue. I'm sorry.
I was putting all the pieces in my PC and I put in a new graphics card that my brother gave me (for Christmas cause he bought himself two for his rig so gave me the one he didn't decide to keep, which was awesome) and I put it in with some of my old RAM sticks. Then the RAM sticks corrupted. And so the computer… the motherboard to the light came on for the RAM sticks and I'm like, shit.
So I took out the RAM sticks and then it wouldn't boot. And I'm like… fuck. Because there was no more error light turning on. The computer was turning on. All the parts seemed to be working. The motherboard isn't saying anything's wrong, but it's not booting to Linux. I run Linux right.
So, it's not actually booting and I'm like, fuck. Because the only real way to now figure out which part is broken is to test it with other parts. And I'm like, “uh oh, I don't have another part for everything. I've got another graphics card (my old one and my one prior to that), I've got…” I have a whole bunch of old computer parts at my dad's house.
My uncle and my dad lived together. They're twins. My parents got divorced. So I was like, “fuck, I'll have to go to my dad's house and take all my shit over there. I don't have a car. I have to go get his car, drive all the way to my house. It's like half an hour. And then drive all the way home and then test on my old stuff and my uncle stuff to test to see which parts broken.”
I found at my dad's place, last time I was there, I found my old PSU. So I'm like, well, I can test the power supply. That'll be okay. Test the Power Supply, the Graphics Card, but I can't test the Motherboard and the CPU. Like, if the Motherboard's fucked, that would be why the lights aren't turning on. But it seems fine. It seems to be not giving error lights. Like the PSU is turning on. The Motherboard seems to be turning on.
If it's the Motherboard, that's fine, because the Motherboard is cheap. But if it's the fucking CPU, I'll be crying. I'll be crying my eyes out because I have a Ryzen and I don't want to buy a new one. It costs hundreds of dollars.
And the economy in Australia, everything's very expensive. Not as expensive as it was in Brazil, sure. With the exchange rate Brazil, for some reason, all their computer parts are very expensive. All technology is expensive in Brazil. Someone told me that, and I didn't believe them and then I went to Brazil and I had to buy a new motherboard. And I was like, “what?” It's more expensive than Germany.
Anyway, that's my computer segue. Sorry. I spoke quickly so it's now out. I have a systemizing brain. But probably a good segue to show how technical I am before I explain another weird male quality that I have.
Okay, let's go.
So when I was 14 and a half. 14 and nine months or something, I was just before turning 15. My birthday is in December, so it was before December. So in this year, the year I turned 15, I lost my virginity. I was dating this guy for two years. It was not some shock horror. I loved him at the time.
He loved me. I loved him. Whatever. It was high school thing right. As you do middle school/high school, whatever in the US. In Australia all combined as high school. So what was I, year eight to year ten, we dated. So it was nearly before I went into year nine.
When I lost my virginity, it was arguably fine. He was a real dick in some ways. I don't know whether he ever believed this, but when I lost my virginity, he told me that sex wasn't sex unless the guy came (orgasmed). So I don't know when I technically lost my virginity, but I know when we started having sex.
It still alarms me that through all the shitty stuff, that is the most horrifying fact to most people. It alarmed me because on the scale of crap, this was of little importance to me comparatively to what happened to my mind/sense of Self/serotonin system/etc. Like say you get hit by a car, then you lose your job, then you lose position in your social group. An outsider would say, “shit to get hit by the car,” because they know to act emotional about that. The correct Politeness-system response. But trying to explain some adjuncted side affect like, “losing social standing,” is more obscure so people react randomly. Even though the latter is far more mentally harmful long term than the former if you mentally simulate your own loss of social status.
I realised its because most people have never been in any kind of similar situation to emulate the rest of my situation. But everyone can emotionally emulate things they can see happening to them easier, in this instance, a lie in losing one's virginity.
It puzzles me, when people closer to the average, which information or emotions they can or can’t absorb as its a refletion of the average experience. If 10/10 can absorb thing a, but only 2/10 can absorb thing 297,000. The argument is that it’s a non-average understood experience/word/number/perspective/data/pet/etc.
I guess it’s what they say about Machiavellians, that they are better with emotions than the average person. It’s people’s responses that puzzle me sometimes - so… trained. And that’s how Machiavellian’s gain power, through seeing the way everyone is mentally programmed to go without thinking and then affecting the path. If you become scared of the road, you get off it, regardless of how good or bad the road is for you because you’re on autopilot.
HEXACO Personality: The Future of Dark Side Research? by Beth A. Visser | Liam A. Doyle
We had sex six times or whatever before, I actually don’t know how many times. During that couple of month period, we had sex quite a reasonable amount. In terms of then him telling me that sex is not just coming (withdrawal still counts as sex). But I don't know whether he actually, like this kid is 14 as well and it was 20 years ago. The internet was just becoming popular.
We're 14. I don't know whether he actually believed it. He may have, but he was manipulative. Kids do stupid shit. When you're fucking 14, you're not thinking. It's not possibly his fault. He's was just an idiot. Anyway, during this period of time, I lost my virginity. First penetrated during this time.
Anyway, what I wanted to talk about is not the weird way I lost my virginity or who I lost my virginity to. My high school love interest. I will talk about that another day, about the weirdness of my… weird relationship between two Dark Triad people. I will explain one day though as it’s important to understand why we pair bond, how to understand our specific issues if helping us, or how to simulate them to ‘get your own psychopath’ if you want that.
Because I meet people. Because he didn't look scary or anything like that. But when I meet scary looking people and people treat them so roughly and gruffly, and so those people get pushed to extremes. A lot of them aren't psychopaths, right. So when I interact with them, they go soft on the inside.
Maybe they're just doing that because they find me charming. But when I meet, I don't know, the correlate between being an actual Dark Triad type. The one’s that end up in prison are totally different than the ones that don't. Because the correlate, probably, to ending up in prison and the way your life goes is because you look psychopathic.
Note 10:37
Besides IQ.
For some of us that don't look psychopathic, we just look normal, people treat us totally differently. And so the personality traits change.
When you're big, you're a little bit scary. You're like, “oh, everyone else big and scary has tattoos. I'll just get some tattoos so I fit in somewhere.” Then you join a gang. You fit in because everybody else is treating you like you're on the outskirts already. They're treating you like you're on the extremes.
Note 23:15
People fear some people, regardless if they are fearsome. People assume x is a psychopath and not y based on physical appearance and demeanour. Example, nobody thinks the class clown is psychopath till they actually stab someone - they think it's someone they're predisposed to dislike instead.
Up to editing here… have also edited the end but not the middle…
Like, I meet guys sometimes that have that half vibe. Because what happens, I think, with the Openness...
Picture a beautiful Conscientious woman and then a beautiful Openness woman. The beautiful Openness woman is slightly off kilter. They have, like... in my opinion, they have something that makes them slightly odd, and that's why they're attractive. But they are different.
Like me. There's stuff about my face, my body, my personality that's just slightly... odd. And some people really like that. That's why it's so charming. But there's that... There's always that "thing", and they say Psychopathy correlates with the Openness.
There's always that thing about Psychopaths, that there's... There's something that makes them... because that's why you're scary.
You're scary because you'll "do anything". That's the Joker aspect, the clown aspect. Is that at any moment, you could fall off the edge. That's the Openness. You're bridging the world of oddity. You're uncalculable. That's why people do what you say.
Fucking do what I say, or I will... You may DO the thing. Because the other person can't correlate all your variables. Because you're so weird. That's why you're so dangerous. Because it's possible you will do anything.
You may do the weird thing. That is a 0.0001%. You could have thought about that if you're really Open and you could do that weird fucking thing, I might decide to burn your building down. And people are like, "no, you wouldn't do that." 99% of people wouldn't do that.
But the more wacky and weird you are, you might just do that. That's why people do what you say because they can't force you into the Politeness box. It's a low Politeness correlate with the Openness.
But I'm not saying, like, your average Openness person looks like they'll burn down your building. But what they look like is that they could go in a weird direction somewhere. Like, your face has gone in a slightly weird direction somewhere. Like you have a slightly different hairline, slightly different nose, slightly different ears or something. You have a little pimple here.
Something that, I feel that's what defines Openness. Not all people. But I think perfect Conscientiousness is perfect symmetry. Conscientious people want to be... There's that drive for Perfectionism. There's that Industriousness of being perfect. Putting on your makeup to make you a ten out of ten.
But Openness is different. Openness is... To signal [to others] your Openness, you have to signal that you have a variation. And so when you're born looking...
a variant, with Openness. Openness will make you have a variant, maybe you'll look really creative.
Maybe you'll look really kooky. You look really like a book lover. You look just a little bit odd.
When you're a psychopath born with that little bit of weird.
You [can] look dangerous.
That's my hypothesis.
You look a little bit on the dangerous [side]. And so... weird other Openness people can see that you're weird.
But they still feel the fear that everyone else fears, but they can see the connection.
They can see that it's correlated to you just being on the edge of the Openness
or being wherever, being over th percentile.
When I see people covered in tattoos or whatever, I don't feel fear because I don't...
Like, I see a big buff guy, there's a part of my feminine body that goes, "be careful", because I'm small, they're bigger than me.
That's normal. No human can turn that off. When you see a dog that's... You know... [noises].
You're like, oh, maybe I should just be careful. But I still go over and touch it. I still make sure I'm like, put my hand out. Sniff.
Does it sniff? Does it snarl at me? If it snarls at me, okay, maybe I'll walk away.
But if it sniffs at me, it looks okay, I will try go in slower. You just be smart towards the scary thing.
Because the variable might be to bite you, but it may not be.
It may be super peaceful, super charming. It just may look mean. But our society is still...
Because of biology. Our biology is still catered towards attractiveness.
But big, scary, off kilter looking men, historically speaking, are hugely attractive to women.
So these men have qualities that women want and women love. But the women have a reason not 'to go there'.
If you have a reason because you're a little bit scared, and society tells you that fear is okay and go with it.
Which I'm not saying is wrong.
But years ago, how many years back do I want to go? years? A couple of thousand years.
That would have been weird. That women weren't like...
Because these men would have been the warriors of your tribe. They would have been the top ten out of ten men.
They would have been exactly what you wanted.
They would have been creative enough to find new ways to kill things, and they would have been vicious enough to do it.
They would have been that hunting party.
And now we're telling them that it's not okay.
Only those guys with those traits, plus Conscientiousness, is considered the ten out of ten now.
If you're lacking the Conscientiousness, just the correlate to Openness...
Lots of people talk about this. About the problems with Openness.
People like Andy McNab have made it work for them.
Like scarier looking guys kind of thing. Some guys. British.
British society has it a little
bit better.
Because the gang violence in those countries, in western countries, is a little bit different.
How am I going to put this?
Yeah maybe not. I don't know. Obviously it's not.
But like I was just going to say on the argument, because I watch a lot of British stuff and I like the British stuff.
Is that, the argument with the British stuff is that like... in some Guy Ritchie films and stuff like that,
like the big scary [dark traits character] guy who likes football is still [positively] a part of the storyline, kind of thing.
But of course it correlates with attractiveness as well.
If you're big and scary and you're ugly, you got problems.
But if you're big, scary and attractive, it'll be easier for you.
You're still...
too scary for the vast majority of women.
Because what I'm trying to say is those traits are no longer as revered.
By default.
They used to be revered by default.
Now you have to...
Join a gang to get that reverence. You have to join the gang to be respected.
Because base society...
because I feel it sometimes with my viciousness.
Because there's that Grandiosity, the sense of entitlement.
It's like, I sit there and I'm like...
I feel like the character traits that I have,
like being cruel is hugely valuable.
'Cause so few people have it.
And the problem is the base human, for whatever reason,
can't see it very well. So you have this thing,
it's like being a millionaire and nobody knowing. So everyone treating you... 'Cause, say, you look poor.
Everyone treating you like you're poor when you're rich, it's like that.
And that's fine.
It's just the way society has gone.
Because there's that part of you that's like, "look, I have the thing."
I have something that other people want. I am super valuable to society.
Why is society not using me properly?
Because if you are Low in Conscientiousness, you [sometimes] can't find a way to make it work for you.
And society used to just put you in a hunting party.
They don't do that anymore.
They don't just put you somewhere.
You don't just fall into it.
You need to find it.
And if you're Low in Conscientiousness, it's very hard to work towards finding it.
But, yeah... I've not thought of it very depthfully. I don't know.
Anyway...
Hello.
I got nothing.
Right now about me with my sexuality.
So I am bisexual, which I've read in studies is a correlate to the Dark Triad (for women), which is normal.
I've been bisexual since I was...
/...
I knew I was bisexual then.
But prior to that I had crushed on girls, but not had a word for it.
And by crushing on girls, I mean...
I felt... because it's not attractiveness per se.
It's like you feel a weird interconnectedness that is not based off friendship.
You can maybe say it's a bit of respect. It's like respect, plus friendship, plus a desire to obtain. But it's not...
So I've dated girls before. I've had threesomes with girls and stuff like that.
I have the...
understanding of what is an attractive female, and not an attractive female. I understand all these variables.
I find females attractive. I find some of their personalities attractive. Some of their bodies attractive, of course.
But they don't give me the same conquering feeling that I get from men. So that's why I say it's different.
It's a different kind of...
When I meet a man, the enjoyment that I get, the sexual tension is based off the competitiveness.
The competitiveness is what drives me. It makes me so excited when I'm talking to a man and I'm competing
because a big part of my sexual appetite comes from the debate, from the conquering, from the winning but not winning.
I don't want to win.
When I was young, my brother really liked...
Well, when we used to go for family holidays, we used to play board games and
my brother really liked to win. Like, it's the same [now]. So now... he has a huge desire to win.
He's very Conscientious. I think, my brother.
Him and my grandma and my mum were more competitive. And like me, my dad, my grandpa and stuff, we just don't care.
Even to the point with scratchies. My brother and my grandma will always win scratchies [lottery chance scratch cards].
I just don't bother. And this is what I mean...
Whether I like to win or not doesn't matter because
for me the enjoyment is in voyeuring the player.
So when I'm playing chess with someone. I love chess.
But when I'm playing chess and I'm watching someone play, all I care about is watching the person.
I'm thinking about why they made their moves.
I'm thinking about the conversation that we're having while we're playing and
I'm watching them... the dance of them, thinking about the thing and thinking about what I'm saying and interacting.
I like watching the person in a state of flow.
When you're playing chess, you're making a decision, your brain's doing things.
I love taking pictures of people in that state.
I love watching people be curious about something and then taking a picture of it. Things like that.
Because it's a natural way. It's like you're taking a picture of nature. Someone in flow is like watching a tree grow.
It's like a state beyond a state.
It's like the brain is tapping into something eternal. It's great. I love it.
Time dilation. It's watching a person dilate time. It's like you're taking a picture of something outside of time.
As what they say flow state is, you've dilated time. That time no longer exists in your brain. It's fantastic.
Me trying to remember what I was talking about.
My brother, I deviated to my brother. My bad. My little brother. He's only a couple of years younger. He's not little.
He's taller than me. Way taller. I'm five foot one. He's like six foot something.
He's like a head taller. Definitely a head taller. More than a head taller probably.
Because I hug him. I'm on his chest. I don't even come up to his head.
My grandma's very short as well. My mom's quite tall.
My brother's also quite Disagreeable. My brother, me, my dad are Disagreeable.
So we get along in that way. We all just argue with each other. It's fine.
Politically, we're different.
My mom's quite Agreeable.
They're all low in Openness, though. That's the folly. Okay, that's a good segue.
Okay, so with my Hedonism.
So in that same way, my Openness doesn't correlate to my family. It's kind of left out. It's lonely.
With my Hedonism, with most people it's also lonely.
So, as a woman, if I'm hanging out with other women and I'm trying to gauge
the extremeness of their Hedonism, they will never, ever generally match my Hedonism.
Even if they've slept with the same amount of people as me or they've done the same kind of crazy shit I have.
It's not for the same reasons.
So this is what I'm trying to imply...
You can be hyper Hedonistic and never had sex and I find this sometimes with virgins.
To be high in Hedonism means that sex is consuming for you. Habitually.
So men like to fuck,
but [most] men don't like to
have the journey of sex.
It's a biological reaction of release.
You want to have a woman, come in her, and then you go to sleep.
When someone's really high in Hedonism, their body...
How am I going to put this?
The adventure of Hedonism is actually the aim.
So you meet people who are like swingers or whatever. Or people who join sex parties or whatever.
They want to fuck all night.
hours straight.
It's the game of fucking.
Like, people who end up in porn.
They want to fuck all the time.
It's like a game.
It's like an Art. So like for me, I've always felt sex is like an Art.
Like, I like to watch... Like you know how people go to a museum and they see nice art?
I think when I watch porn or I look at art in a museum, a sexualized piece of art...
I can sit in that feeling of like... I can edge for like hours right. My body is just so involved.
Like it drinks sex.
Sex is like Soma, like I drink it like a drug.
Sex is like...
a point for being, for existing.
For some other people, they're just fucking to fuck. Some other people, they don't want to have sex. Just to not have sex.
They just want to have sex to make children. That's all fine,
But for me, sex is the thing.
It's THE thing.
So like, when I started smoking pot or when I drink alcohol,
none of it at all tickles me the same way sex does.
So I'll never get addicted to anything else because sex is my drug.
Sex is IT. It's all that fucking exists.
If I don't get sex when I want to have sex, my personality changes.
In...
How am I going to put this?
And so I feel totally differently towards men than most women do because I feel what they feel.
I feel that pain.
I feel the pain of unrequited, higher, probably from higher testosterone...
I don't know what it is, but that higher craving, that's never satisfied.
But so for me, say as an example, it's not the orgasm.
So I had sex with people and I would feel satisfied without orgasming.
I just wanted to be naked, doing things with another person.
And I enjoy them orgasming...
In the same... like I love to orgasm, don't get me wrong.
But when I was young, I didn't really know what I was doing.
Watching someone orgasm is similar to watching them in flow state. It's exactly the same.
You're watching someone reach peak happiness in their brain
and then they just stabilise and they sleep better than they've slept before.
There's things you can do as a woman, as a man probably too, in sex. You can like, clean a person out.
Like a good debate. A good philosophical debate cleans out people's brains.
It makes them think of things they've never thought of before. You give them awe.
It blows their mind for like a week they're like... Thinking about what they thought about and it just gives a whole new tangent.
Makes them so happy.
Sex is like that.
You can push a person in sex to make sex, defining.
To make you orgasm three times as strong as you normally do and sleep for hours.
You've cleaned the system out. You're like, wow, they've got rid of so much shit in their body.
There's so much pent up stress that just got released. Pent up fear, pain, anguish. Poom, it's gone.
It doesn't all go, but a portion of it goes. Right. That's it.
They're just so happy and they have a month where they feel slightly better the whole month
than they have the whole year.
When I first lost my virginity, I remember sitting at a park
and
realising that I'd fucked up.
Not in a way that I'd fucked up because I had sex. It was fine I had sex.
I fucked up because I realised there was never going to be anything better than sex.
I crescendoed myself.
I'd got what I wanted.
I think even by then I hadn't orgasmed. I'd had sex quite a lot.
But I hadn't orgasmed. But I still realised I couldn't...
There was nothing else. This is what I wanted.
And so everything else just became like...
Had no colour.
Sex was the only thing with any colour in the world.
And which is awful because generally the average quality of sex with average human is poor.
Most people don't fuck because it's their drug.
They just fuck normally.
And so the quality is lower. The quality is just normal. Nobody fucks you and wants to fuck you for like hours.
Some people do, but they're not as common in the species.
And it's harder to find people because every guy looks like that for the first minutes of talking to them.
Like every guy implies. Like, I'll talk to a guy and I'll be like, "I really like to fuck."
And they're like, "So do I. Oh, my God," and they start lying to you and saying stupid shit.
And then you fuck them and it's horrible. And you're like, "why do I do this?" Fucking strangers is so awful.
So I stopped doing that because the statistics... Like I would never really fuck strangers. I would always fuck people I knew.
I knew, I know a lot of people. I'm super extroverted.
I would always have sex with people that were in social circles, like a friend of a friend, etc.
Because I was like, "if I ever caught anything, I want to be able to call them and kill them.
I want to be able to track them down. They have to know people I know."
And when you're young, you know, people are ample. People are amply around because nobody's married yet.
Your generation is a smorgasbord until you get to your mid twenties and people are...
at least a quarter or a third or half, depending on your generation, is married off.
What I want to say is...
It created a lot of problems. I think, especially with my parents.
Because this is what I talk about with the bribery. This is why I score very Low on greed, Greed Avoidance.
Because money is nothing compared to sex for me. It's just... I just don't care about it at all in comparison to sex.
If you bribe me with sex,
I will do exactly what you want.
And I realised that at and I'm like, "oh, this is going to be a problem."
Because that's what kept me in my relationship, my shitty relationship so long.
That's what's caused some of the problems in my life.
Is because that's the only thing that causes me to glue to anything. Right, I need to get laid.
And so I spent a lot of my time in my s learning to control that.
I didn't date. I stopped fucking. I just stopped everything.
And I started masturbating and watching a lot of porn. And porn has given me a shit ton of control over myself.
When I talk to a guy and there's a sexual offering.
I'm like, "It's okay, I can just go home, I can watch porn, I can masturbate by myself."
I got all my control back, but it took a long time.
So I was celibate for three years. And then.... So for the last five years, I've really not fucked a lot of people.
The last ten years, I've been really well behaved.
So like in the last five years, I think I fucked two people.
Five years is .
Maybe before ...
I fucked a couple of people in when I was in Germany...
The last five years. What are we, now? The last six years, I only fucked, like, two people.
No, five years.
Did I fuck two people? Maybe. I fucked one person, nearly fucked the other person.
Because...
This is one of the reasons I'm pro-porn, because...
When you realise that sex is all you got. That sex is your drug.
The problem is that the average person has % ability to control you.
So, like, a young, thirsty guy has more power over me than my parents, the government, anything.
And that's a real horrifying thing to realise.
That everybody's power over you has reached zero.
Because you've realised what you want and you realise there is no ability for them to give you that.
It's a very horrifying thing.
The government's not going to send me a stripper for lunch. Okay.
My parents are not going to...
And this is a problem. This is a big problem.
And I realised that... my life was going to go weird.
Because I couldn't change it. It's who I am. It's locked into the core of my brain. I'm like, "fuck".
If you're born, where your appetite can be filled, your desire can be filled by most people. Good job. You got lucky.
So, like, a lot of people get a lot of enjoyment just from talking to people.
I don't really.
I'm good at talking to people, but...
What I really want is to have a deep philosophical conversation or a sexualized conversation with people.
I want to sit and have sexual bants.
I want to have some flirting in the conversation.
I want to dance around it.
And the average person's skill level with that and the ability for people to imply that.
People, if they're married, it's not appropriate necessarily for them to be doing that.
Things like that. Like they can, but you know what I mean.
There's a limit most people have.
So it's complicated.
If you start flirting with a psychopath, you may get further than anything else.
Any other type of manipulation you're trying to do. Flirt with them. That's my opinion.
Flirting with them will make things all better.
Because even if you can't, even if you're a guy and... I don't know about guys flirting with other guys, I don't know.
But for me, even if you're a chick and you start flirting with me, I will much more likely do what you say than if not.
Because you're feeding the part of me that wants to be fed.
Nothing else in me wants to be fed. Everything else is full. It's all fucking full. My personality is at extreme.
I'm th percentile Assertiveness. There's nothing else. My Grandiosity is so high.
The only thing that needs to be filled by the reality is sex. That's it. There's... nothing else matters.
You can give me fucking cardboard to eat and I will be okay with it.
I don't find much satisfaction from reality, but I get satisfaction from...
Tapping into someone's soul when I fuck them. Of watching a person release all of what...
it's a Politeness. Like the Politeness skin peels off.
I've always said, people when they're naked they're their real selves, that's the argument.
It's just that they relax. The society... they let go of society. When people are in bed, they're naked, they're just themselves.
You're like, "chill, man. Chill be calm, it's all good." And they relax because they realise you're naked. There's nothing else.
You can't fail. You're there, you got what you wanted. Just fucking relax. And they relax.
They're like, "oh yeah, this is fun." "We're going to fuck for like hours. It's cool, man, just chill."
"If you fuck up the first time, we'll fuck again. It's fine. Just relax." And people, you know, it's nice. People become themselves.
There's no Politeness limitation. There's no trying to fit in to everything. People just are normal.
Nobody's normal when they're not fucking. When you're fucking, you're normal.
Every other fucking time. People are fucking weird.
You say something to someone, you're like, "that's not what they should be saying...
I know they don't agree with that. Why are they saying that."
I like sex.
I wanted to say this because everybody thinks when a chick says they like sex.
And the studies show this, women who are High in the Dark Triad, they're higher in Sociosexuality. Like a man.
I am like a man in terms of my orientation towards sex.
I can put the thing on the screen. I'll put the thing on the screen.
It's something that most people don't believe.
Whenever I say to a guy that... I used to say when I was a kid, that when I was young... not a kid, teenager.
I used to say to guys, "I have a high sex drive", is what I used to say. I knew it long before I read any study.
I was [saying it] at like "I have a high sex drive," and guys... because the drinking age in Australia is of course, .
So you're out of pubs and shit when you're . And I was like, "I have a high sex drive," and guys would be like...
Guys think when you're a chick and you say that, that means you want to have sex with them.
And I was like, "no", it's like me saying I like cats or I like swimming.
I have a high sex drive. It's just a statement about my personality.
It's just so you know what I'm like and how to talk to me properly.
But no, they don't use it as, 'oh, yes, this is now good manipulation.
This is what I will do with the girl. She likes sex, so I will imply that maybe we'll have sex so she'll do what I say.'
No, they're like, "oh, yeah, you should fuck me."
They think I'm coming on to them.
When I say I have a high sex drive and I'm like... I'm not not doing that, but I'm just stating it like.
You'd be talking to a group of ten guys. You'd be like, "oh yeah, I got a high sex drive",
And I only want to fuck one of those ten guys. But all the ten guys behave differently towards that piece of information.
But you have to say it as a girl because... I obviously don't say it anymore. I say it in different, more subtle ways.
But you have to kind of imply it because guys treat you like other women. Like [that] you have to be coaxed.
I don't want to be fucking coaxed. I've walked into a bar, I'm already saying yes to everything in the room.
I'm finding reasons. I'm like a guy. I'm finding reasons to say no. They say...
A woman is at 'no' usually, and finding reasons to say 'yes'.
I'm more like a guy.
I see a hot guy and I'm like, 'okay, I'm going to fuck that'.
And then I go talk to them and they're an idiot. And I'm like, sigh...
It just totally kills my sex drive. Because I'm a sapiosexual. I love intelligence. I fucking go bananas.
If someone starts talking about something intelligent, I'm like, I'm in. But...
It's not just basic intelligence, it's intelligence intertwined with Openness.
It took me ages to work this out.
When someone speaks intelligently and I say something abstract into the conversation to deviate their line of thought.
If they can't deviate, they're not intelligent.
They are still intelligent, but they're not my type of intelligent.
You have to be intelligent and Open. You have to be able to take in my alterations of data about what you're talking about.
So say you like breeding dogs.
You're a genius at breeding dogs. I'm like, "what do you think about breeding animals outside of dogs?
Like breeding dogs with other species or breeding rhinos or something? [Mules, Asses, etc]
I want to see their brain deviate into an area that they aren't an expert in and to see how they go and if they survive...
Because a lot of people...
It's not that...
'Cause it's the same thing. They're going into an area where they don't understand.
They have to be able to survive in the unknown. Because if you can survive in the unknown, you're a true genius
because it means your brain will be able to branch into the new. You have to be able to branch into the new.
'Cause you can't just stay in where you feel safe like a loser.
You can.
But you're not going to attract me doing that because I can just peel your brain dry of everything you've known before.
Say, when I start playing a video game...
I need to know how far the game goes in terms of its hours of play.
So I get into a game, say when I started playing Warframe, I was like, look, in the first couple of days...
I'm like, look, how long is this game going to last for me?
Because it's not whether I complete anything, it's how fast my brain can map everything, like...
So Warframe is a completionist game. So after hours, I've still not finished it.
And even with a single player game, say the game is hours.
I'm like, that's fine. You know roughly how long it's going to play.
But it will give you enough for your brain to move through different Openness phases.
My brain will breach into a new area of knowledge.
I need to be able to see that there will be a new breach of understanding.
How am I going to put this? Fuck.
So say I start a job, I start working in an office supply store.
I can work out how every department works. [How] all the stuff goes. Because my brain likes to map things.
It's systemizing, systematising, systemizing.
It looks at all the technical aspects of what's happening in the environment and it just maps.
My brain just does it quicker than other people because of the IQ.
But this is normal for men. You systematise everything. You're mapping things.
You're turning things around.
You're just checking where everything is.
In games, if there's not something that I...
will take time to get... kind of thing.
If I can map all your knowledge about a subject, because I can.
If you tell me you're good at dog breeding.
I know what dogs are, I know what breeding is, and I can systematically map all that you know.
What I'm testing for is that you can go to a further stage to acquire more data that I don't know.
Because if you can keep acquiring more new data, then you'll be forever interesting.
Because your Openness is branching you into new things.
Because if you only stay safe with what you know.
I can't justify that you will ever get here with anything.
Obviously you will. But you have to be able to show it. You have to be able to show that the new data is acquired.
That there will be some new piece of juiciness for me.
That knowledge will be enjoyable. That there will be something in your brain.
So sex is kind of like that, too, I guess, that you have to...
I thought about this a lot in terms of what kinds of sex I like and I'm reasonably vanilla.
I do like variances of sex, and I have very particular things that I like.
But the variance within sex is not what excites me. It's the body to body contact with another person.
It's the relaxation of the consciousness. It's the personality coming out. It's the being with someone.
It's...
The being penetrated, kind of thing. It's the act itself. What form the sex takes...
So I was dating a girl for a little while,
and the girl could make me orgasm. I don't know how many seconds it was seconds or whatever.
She walked in the room, made me come, walked out of the room. Like in a flow.
And my housemate was like, "what the fuck? It was like seconds."
Whatever it was, it was a stupidly short amount of time.
I was pretty stoned at the time... and it was a long time ago.
I was . I turned when I was living there. So -.
How am I going to put this?
For me, it was such a short period of time, but that would have been excellent sex because I came.
Does that make sense?
Quality can always be taught, but interest cannot be taught.
What I want in sex is for someone to be truly addicted to it. To want it. Addicted is a bit of a strong word, but....
Because when I date guys or I start sleeping with guys, and they say, "oh yes, I've got a high sex drive, too."
It's never the case.
The average man's sex drive is lower than my sex drive.
I will start to sleep with them and I will start to want sex more than they will.
That's what happened in my first relationship.
This is the norm for me with men, that I want it more than they want it.
Partly, It's also because they have to put in more sweat. Blood, sweat and tears when they're fucking.
I like giving head. That's what I mastered. That's my skill. Expertise.
I'm going to say something really weird.
When I was a kid, I had lots of problems sleeping and I developed a habit of sucking my thumb for quite a long time.
It was the only real childish quality that I retained for quite a while. I think this is a comfort thing.
So not feeling as close to my mother as I could. Because we're very different in personalities.
I think that's a part of it. Like, it's a comfort thing. I was looking for comfort, but...
So I think I developed very good tactile responses in my mouth.
Because I had something in my mouth for like hours a day for a long time.
Because I used to joke about it when I was in my teens.
I was like, I wonder why I'm so good at giving head. But yeah... Maybe it's the closeness to the... like, I love dicks.
It's just the closeness to... the thing I want. Maybe, because my face is close to it or... I don't know...
What people want in sex is different.
Most people are satisfied when they get what they want in sex.
'Cause I am high in sociosexuality as well. I do like new things because of the High Openness. I do like new things.
But the new things don't feed me the same way as just the core thing.
And it's not about new people. I fucking hate, 'fucking new people'.
My problem was after my first relationship went bad, I developed a very solid phobia of relationships
because I realised it gave me loss of control and that's when I would get hurt.
That's the only thing that's ever really hurt me.
It broke my arm. I don't give a shit. I broke my ankle. It was, it's fine. Whatever broke me...
Like I was riding a horse. I didn't suddenly get scared of horses because I broke my arm.
It wasn't the fucking horse's fault. Oooh, I was high up, so I fell and hurt myself. Just because it's high.
Whatever hurts me, I don't dislike. It's woo, it gave me pain. It's not the thing's fault.
My impulsivity, you know.
I don't develop fears for many things. But in this way, because of the sex, I became dependent.
Like, I like my mom. I love my mom. We love each other, but personality... we're just different.
So I've never really even let my mom get very close to me, if that makes sense.
So the fact that I let a guy get that close to me to hurt me because I was so dependent on the sex is a big problem.
It's like, "fuck, this thing. This sex thing can break me. Shit."
I must be very careful about who I let into me because they can then have total power over me.
So I predominantly chose people that were too stupid to know that.
Because once a guy knows that they can manipulate you and some guys do,
they call you three years later like, "give it to me now". Because they know. They know that you're an addict.
They're not an addict. I can say no. I made a bad joke once to a fucking psych doctor about being a Nymphomaniac.
I'm not a Nymphomaniac. I can % say no, and I say no to a lot of people. But Sadia Khan talks about this.
It's like, when you're reasonably attractive, you just have more availability of men.
So say I go to a bar and I'm and I talk to, like guys. Because I talk to a lot of people. I also talk to girls.
But I talk to this group and this group. I talk to these people.
I talk to the old guys playing fucking [Poker Machines]. Whatever. I talk to the dudes downstairs playing pool.
I'm flirting with the bartender. I just talk to everyone.
And the amount of guys that they look at you, they're like, "oh, yeah, you want to have a go?"
They give you that look, or they say something sexualized towards you. Or they play bants with you.
They're checking to see your sexual availability. You can say no to the first . But as you go along... you lose energy,
Your resistance goes down. You're still...
It's that... in what Sadia Khan talks about... It's just the amount of people.
One out of is going to be your type.
One out of is going to have the high IQ I want.
You're just going to find people that.
I'm going to find another Hedonist. I'm going to find another person High in the Dark Triad.
Just the higher amount of people. And if you're reasonably attractive, they will say yes to you. It'll just form together.
And that's what they say with Introverts.
It's not that they should be having less sex, it's just that they talk to less people and sometimes they do have a lot of sex.
If they're in an environment where they can talk to people. They feel safe.
I don't know... I'm just thinking of like gamers. Gamers that are introverted and then they go to a big gaming conference
and they meet these people and these people and these people, and they find someone.
It's just a lot of it is availability.
But the Sociosexuality for me is more complex than the high Sex Drive.
I do have high Sociosexuality, but it doesn't feed me the same as the high Sex Drive.
If I'm just fucking, I'm just laying next to someone in a bed. That satisfies me to a reasonable amount.
There's some core part of it... that the sociosexuality is a bonus.
If you're doing something new, that's a bonus. But I do have, I think...
I don't know how old I was, / or something when I started to work out what I really liked.
So I'm very clit focused.
And if a guy can't go down on me very well, I become disenfranchised.
But that was specifically why.
And I knew this, I knew this as a kid. I knew this when I was like .
That I would have special interests.
And I knew not to go down that path.
I do this with a lot of things in life.
I look at something and I know I'm going to really like it or I'm not going to really like it. And I don't want to know yet,
because once I know there's nothing else, you can't change my opinion because I'll research it till the day I die.
I will do the thing a million times. And when you really know, you really research, you really work out what you want.
When you're someone that's usually neutral about everything.
I'm just neutral.
I don't have an opinion.
And when I finally have a true opinion on something, you can't break it because there's just too much data.
I'll argue with you for million hours and I will win each time
because I don't care what your opinion is anymore.
This is what I want.
So a guy licking me out has become like that. Your dick can be a pin. I don't fucking care. As long as your tongue is good.
So I didn't want to know because if you know what you like... you cut out most of the species.
You only have access to the guys that truly can give you what you want.
So there's other girls like this.
When you have a large vagina and you don't read the Kama Sutra.
You need guys with a certain girth. You need a guy with a certain length of dick.
Because the penis on the outside is as varied.
I will wait for the truck to go past. I thought it was going to be a delivery. I don't know what kind of truck that was.
So the penis on the outside is hugely varied. All guys know this. It's long, it's fat, it's a chode, whatever. It's got huge variables.
A vagina on the inside is as varied. It's thick, thin, long, short, tight. All these different things.
And you're born like that. Like you're born with your dick size. You're born with...
Because there's the phrase guys use in Australia, 'like throwing a sausage down a hallway'.
Putting your dick into a girl with a larger vagina.
But they're born like that. They just need a guy with a big dick. These kind of girls love black guys or whatever.
So for me...
The vaginal experience is fine. The average dick size works fine. I have a dildo now, because I was curious.
I have a dildo that's five inches. And I can come from it. It's totally fine.
The average size is fine. The average size of the western penis.
The 'average size for the western penis', because there's not very good studies on this data. And I listened to Aporia.
And I was talking to... Jolly Heretic, what's his name, Edward Dutton. Talking about it the other day [on X].
It's a complex subject and you can make justifications for everything. Like my brain is...
I've had a lot of experiences with people and I've listened to a lot of experiences because
I love people talking to me about sex and their experiences
and they know that. So they come tell me all these crazy things. Ever since, like .
Ever since I had sex and people knew I had sex, people used to come to me and tell me their sex stories.
It was great. My happy place.
I thought about becoming a Sexologist for a while because I was like.
So I changed universities and was going to do a postgraduate [in Sexology].
But being a Sexologist is a very complicated career because
there's not a lot of grants in this area, I'd imagine. You have to really specialise.
So like if you do a postgraduate in Sexology, you can either be a doctor and do HIV research and stuff like that.
You can be a counsellor, like a marriage counsellor, focusing on sex, things like that.
You can be a sex researcher. But I was like, how many jobs are available for sex researchers?
Do I like it enough? Am I going to go with this the rest of my life?
Am I not just going to flitter off with my Openness into a different career? Things like that.
I need to get into IT. I love computers.
I need to just do computer stuff. I can do anything in computers kind of thing, except Windows.
Fuck Windows. Linux is the shit. Which really cuts out a huge part. Windows can go fuck itself.
I'd love to work for Red Hat or something. There's a big Red Hat building in the middle of Sydney.
I see it all the time.
Like, hire me, motherfuckers.
I will learn... RHEL. I forget what their package system is called. I'll learn It.
It'll be fine. I will be not useful to you at all right now.
I will learn. I will do whatever you need.
I'm making jokes, talking quickly. Sorry.
So people have their own particular things when they work out that they need this one thing.
Anybody who doesn't meet that one thing, it doesn't matter what else you have to offer.
You have to meet that one main thing.
So for me, the person has to be High in Hedonism. That's kind of like my one main thing.
If they're dumb... I'm a sapiosexual. I really like intelligence.
But if they're not High in Hedonism, I know I'll wander.
I know I'll never be able to be loyal to them. The Hedonism has to be there.
So I'm more likely to sacrifice the IQ for the Hedonism. They have to be very sexually motivated.
They can be Introverts, they can be Extroverts. It doesn't matter. You can be a virgin, it doesn't matter.
There's something in the brain that you can see that the person is just
out of control, like the Hedonism is just... not out of control...
But you can see they're struggling to control the Hedonism.
And it's not Hedonism towards me, it's just in general, the Hedonism is pulsing.
You know how you walk into a room and you can kind of see who's excited or not?
If someone's really happy, you can see that because all humans can see happiness and sadness kind of thing.
You can see when someone's crying, you know they're sad. There's indicators, physical indicators.
Hedonism is kind of like that. The people just kind of, look at you differently.
They stand differently. They...
I find with some guys it's really, really attractive. I find it so attractive. When I'm looking at the guy, they will...
How am I going to talk about this without it being too niche. Or too specific to one type of person?
I'm trying to generalise it enough. But it's like...
You know, when they're talking to them... They fall into their desire for sex. Rather than just pushing it out.
It's like, "I want to fuck". This is pushing it out. It's showing it into the environment.
Some people, when you start talking to them and you're like, "oooh", you're being kind of sexual.
You're like, "hey, how are you?" You know you wanna... "How's life?" You start to behave kind of flirty.
They bounce in and out.
They start to picture fucking you. They start to lose it slightly. The brain starts to simulate and they start to get excited about it.
Their brain, because they feel so close to doing it instantly.
And it's because usually they've had experiences like it before.
They're starting to simulate the habitual behaviour. They're wanting it.
I can tell just by looking at someone.
I don't need to speak to them.
Like I walk into a bar and I scan the room and I can tell.
You can just tell. You can tell because you're attracted to it.
And it's not the Dark Triad because some of these people are really nice.
It's not Conscientiousness. Some of them are Conscientious, some of them High in Openness.
It's not that. It's just there's just something in the personality that's just...
It's like they are open to feeding your Hedonism.
And that's what I mean by the bounce in. It's that.
So I will be Hedonistically Assertive and they will receive the Assertion
and they will push out their Assertion and pull in, push out, pull in.
There's like that feeding of the...
And they're instantly able to do it. There's no [revealing of your personality] practise, they just can facilitate you.
Seat you in their body, whatever fucking spiritual term you want to use.
It's like...
The dance. They just can do the dance, the sex, flirting dance.
And it's not status.
Some of them can be...
It's not that they have experience. It's not like that.
It's that their brain instinctively knows how to play that game.
And people will be like, "can I play that game?"
You're never going to know unless you play it.
Can you play Warframe?
You don't know. You've never played it.
But maybe because you like games.
Yes, I like sex. Maybe I can play the game.
You need to meet the levels.
Yes, I can fuck for hours. I take breaks. But I want to fuck for hours every day for a week.
Can you fuck hours a day. For seven days in a row.
So kind of the way I put it with guys is... now I've become a bit better with explaining it.
Say you have a nine to five job.
You come home, you're tired.
What if every night in a week...
We'll say three nights. Three nights in that five day working week,.
You come home, you're tired, you have a shower, you eat,
you just want to fucking watch TV and go to bed.
Or you just want to play a game for an hour and go to bed.
You're tired.
You have to get up early the next day. You have a meeting. That's very important with some clients.
You have a rough day tomorrow, and your wife wants to bang.
You have to put in a lot of energy. When you fuck your wife.
She really wants to fuck.
And she's never satisfied.
You have to do it all the time.
You can't do that without sacrificing other things from your life.
And this is like... in my brain is like the constant balancing of
trying to find a guy that I know I won't drain too much with the sex desire.
I have to be able to have him live a successful life.
I have to be able to stop myself from just saying, "now". And if they don't, being annoying.
Because if the sex stops and I get angry for some reason.
Good luck making me like you again, because it'll just go away.
Both my long term relationships. The sex stopped, so eventually I left. Sex is the drug. If you can't feed the drug. I'm out.
There's nothing there and when a psychopath gets cold.
Good luck.
You have to be very skilled. You have to be very skilled at warming us back up. Because we just...
We're just cruel. We decide to be cruel.
When you meet an Agreeable person and an Agreeable person isn't sure whether they
like you or not. Or you've been mean to them. You can go apologise and they'll be like, "okay, I forgive you".
It's not like that with Disagreeable people.
If there's a man
and you've been a cunt to him.
Like you killed his dog,
He's never going to like you.
A Disagreeable person is just hard to get them to trust you again.
And the Dark Triad is just the extreme of that.
If you've done something...
Because it's not, whatever you've done.
Think about it like this.
If you talk to me and I think you're great.
And then you say something stupid and I then decide you're an idiot.
Even if you say smart things.
My brain won't forget that you're an idiot.
The point is, it's not the interaction.
It's that, that thing I've decided. How am I going to put this? So the thing I've decided... The brain isn't warm.
Here…
When someone's Agreeable, it opens and closes more easily. This part of the brain that's locking in the... And this is why probably men think women are stupid. Because this part of the brain that opens and closes, you can whittle into. You're like... this is a cup. Are you sure it's a cup? These kinds of things. How am I going to put this? If you're more likely to Agree that the cup is not a cup.
Say it's the change of colour. Say it's red. It's blue. It's red. It's blue. It's red. Red, red, red, red, blue. The more Agreeable you are, the more the pushing, you'll eventually Agree it's red. For a second. Just for a second. Red, red, red, red, blue, red. Aqua. Maybe.
This is Openness. But the more likely you are to Agree with what I've said is Agreeableness. If you tell me you're smart, after I've realised you're dumb, you're dumb. The cup is dumb. There's no other way. No no no, this cup is not dumb. I like this cup. You can't shift it because there's no opening and closing of opinion.
It's just, you did something wrong. You didn't take out the trash on Tuesday. They just decided that it was wrong. There are ways to break the coldness, but most people don't know them. In my experience, you have to be as cold in retaliation. So you have to make me…
You have to reciprocate my coldness for me to realise, because I don't know I'm being cold. I'm just playing a game. Like you're playing chess. You're just matching. Like they've done something that you've decided is ridiculous. So you're being ridiculous. But your ridiculousness comes in the wave of cruelty.
I just stop talking to them. I can live with someone and just never be warm. I can be civil as fuck, "Hi. How's your day going."
But I will not be warm at all. The warmness shuts down. The Gregariousness shuts down. My Extroversion shuts down. I become more introverted towards them. My happiness moves away from them.
To make the Extroversion reattached to the person to make the joy, the happiness, my warmth return back to the person.
You have to be able to make me see that you've noticed I am being cruel. And there's like... 'Cause I want to be warm again towards you. I want to be kind. I want to... How am I going to put this?
So, like, I've done this to psychologists and stuff like that. So, I'll be talking to someone or teachers or parents or whatever. It's not just sexual partners.
So say you're talking to me. And I've realised you're never going to give me what I want. Or you don't have what I want. Or you don't understand me or you're not trustworthy in some way. You can keep talking to me and I will sit there and maybe keep talking to you. But I have no interest in you at all anymore.
My parents will be like, "you should do your homework". And I'm like, "sure". And they're like, this is the reason you should do your homework. And I'm like, "sure, good reason." But I will never, ever agree.
I've already decided that. I've decided before they started speaking. I shut down. I've not made an opinion. This is what I mean. It's not an opinion. It just simulates an opinion. What I've just done is I've shut down my warmth. I've just become cold. If you imagine a predator animal, and something in its sights acts like prey, it’s a very old part of the brain enacting in response. I’ve just stopped conforming with the Disagreeableness then am impossible to breach because of the low Honesty-Humility mixing with the Openness - cold enough to drop your emotions down a tube (by ignoring them at my own behest or being genuinely annoyed at you illogically exposing them) and then use an Openness conceptualised escape route. Ie, I just fucking leave your emotions hanging.
So the more you keep talking to me, it doesn't help. Because there's no warmth. You're trying to connect to the warmth and it doesn't live there anymore. The psychopath is just totally cruel. You just shut off all [besides] cruelty. And this is fantastic if you're cutting someone's leg open. You're running into war.
You have to be able to 100% shut it off.
And I've played in my brain doing different psychological exercises and stuff like that.
Can I simulate what it's like for a person who has it Open? So what if you have a little hole open sometimes and it fully fucks everything up. Some people must live like that. Some people. That's why I was saying, with the Agreeableness. Some people seem to live with it being more open. Open, close, open, close.
I'm just closed. That's it. Go fuck yourself. There's nothing else.
To be able to move that... is very difficult. There are consequences. Probably the Hedonism is coming from that high heat being pushed down. I don't know. There's a raging inferno of heat under there, but anyway, I don't know.
The way around it is to be able to... Because guys do this... Like you see jocks doing it all the time. 'Jocks'. We don't have jocks in Australia. Using movie fucking terminology. So when two guys see each other, like, I see another dude. I see another girl that's like me... I see another fucking sporty, extroverted...
I'm like "yo motherfucker, what's up?" And I got to go, you hug them or whatever, hang out. What you're doing is you're pulling up your Assertiveness and meeting the Extroversion wave with extreme. So you're heat to heat. Boom. There's like, a heat explosion, boom.
Because there's Extroversion, it's more heated. So when I do this, even with people who are cold. It doesn't matter. But they're exerting that strength for a second. When you do this, it creates a responsiveness, like a connectivity. Heat to heat.
If I'm being cold, you need to also be cold. You need to meet the cold with cold to bring the heat back out. So... If I'm just ignoring you and I think you're a cunt. And then you start ignoring me.
I will feel relaxed. I'm like, 'oh, my behaviour isn't a problem.' My behaviour is okay. They can see my behaviour, and it's not a crime.
Because as a psychopath, you're not worried that what you're doing is wrong. You worry someone's going to kill you for it. Your worried you're going to be ostracised because you can't be moved. And people walking around you might 'hurt you'.
This is because what you're doing is wrong. It's anti-Politeness. It's wrong. The Collective doesn't like you to shut down and decide someone's evil. The Collective wants harmony, wants everyone to be friends.
What you're doing is very... a problem. And this is when you get ostracised. This is when you get pushed out because you're a rock. You've become a rock in the middle of moving parts. A rock that never moves. The comedian in the court that's inadverantly making everyone aware that the Emperor has no clothes.
[In a relationship] Your brain wants the rock to move. It wants movement. It wants to see another rock and be like. "Sup?" "Why are we fighting again?" It wants to talk. The rock needs to be seen to be able to be connected to. It's like, "Ah, yes, right, okay".
And then, because you have no fear, you don't care whether you're right or wrong as a psychopath. You think you're right all the time. So if I decide to talk. I'm also right to decide to talk, because I'm a fucking g, like... I do whatever the fuck I want.
If I've been a cunt to you for three weeks and then I feel you're being cold, I'm like... "huh... You want to stop fighting now?" I would just act cold. Like, it would just make it work. There's no...
The only negative correlate is that sometimes if you act cold, the psychopath will use it as a reason to escape. That's the only problem that can come from that. You don't necessarily want to give the woman a reason to leave. So what you do in that situation, same with a male psychopath.
Male psychopath. Because the Openness [+Extroversion], you just say, fuck it. You're not afraid. You just go find someone else. But what you have to do… How am I going to do this?
This is a psychopath. This is what you should be doing. My tools are not... It is a nice spoon but. It is my tea spoon. I have other spoons for tea. I drink a lot of tea. Motherfucker. I love tea. All the flavours, that high Openness, all the fucking flavours. You give me a new flavour of tea, I'm like, "oh my fucking God".
I don't know whether that's very Australian. That's not. We're a coffee country. We are a bit of a tea country, but we had a lot of Italian immigrants. We do have a lot of... Flat Whites or whatever. Anyway, I like tea a lot. I like India and Britain and all the tea places. Bangladesh, Pakistan, it gets more complicated... I have a... An ancestor from Sri Lanka.
My grandmother's grandfather is Sri Lankan. So... Got all the India in me. All the Sri Lanka. Sri Lanka and India are not the same place. They're pretty close. They look the same. Tamils. The Tamil Tigers. I don't really know what that means. Like a gang or something. I just like the word. It's a good word. Tamil is the language. The language of the south of India.
So... When you're trying to make someone warm up to you. I need another tool. There's nothing that is small. I'm like, what can I use that's not shit? This is the wrapper of a Choo-Choo Bar. It's licorice. I love licorice. Again, I like the Netherlands, because they have a lot of licorice. Netherlands, Germany, Denmark. All these… entrepreneurial, industrious countries with thick histories.
I was flirting with a guy from Sweden yesterday. A bartender. I like bartenders. He's going back to Sweden in a couple of weeks, so not super useful for me. Because we took our students out for drinks. That's why I was at a bar.
So this... This is you. This is the psychopath. This is the normal person. The psychopath. Or you're another psychopath. So what you want to do is act cold. And the psychopath is already acting cold. You want to simulate the cold.
But you would have put a ring of warmth around the psychopath. That's very hard to explain. So think about the psychopath as like a sheep. You need to put a fence around the sheep before you warm it up.
Because if you warm it up, you're trying to warm it up. It may just... Take in your warmth and use it to leave. I've done this so many times. It's just ridiculous.
You giving me that energy, because I am opening up with my warmth and you're fueling me. You're making me feel like a God. I have so much fucking energy. I'm just going to go out and spread that. You have to be very careful. You have to be able to…
So, for me, how it works is you have to make my brain simulate... You have to be able to warm me up and then pull me towards you. So you put the ringer and you pull towards. You have to be able to rekindle the warmth connection.
Because cold and cold. You're now making a connection with the cold. That's great. It needs to happen to get the argument to go, but then the warmth. You have to then be able to make the warmth start and then be drawn to each other. Because the warmth may not be drawn to each other. You're still connecting. But the psychopath, the warmth has been separated from you for a while.
I don't know whether I'm describing psychopath behaviour or just normal human behaviour here but this is my own. It might be all humans are like this. I don't know.
I acknowledge within myself there is a Psychopathic element to it because my brain reverts to that “sequence”. Kevin Dutton refers to speaking to in-prison psychopaths, and the stories he recounts of gregarious, warm and friendly character traits then there being a “flicker” of something else. This sequence is also what I am referring to, an observer affect with a different external affect than normal.
I would call it, “game mode”. Where the speaker has just gamified something without realising. Created a challenge (put you in fight mode), or shown themselves as weak starting a status game that makes the high Enthuasism break the quo. Not always but if you feel less need to be stringent - the enemy not able to witch hunt you (already caught, outsider not insider noticing, person with a lack of status, etc) - it slips. The issue sometimes, is that you misjudge low vs high backend status. Ie, misjudge an introverts actual social power, as its harder to gauge in the external because it’s more subversive but likely never aimed at you - in that case you can be in trouble.
Whether the initial withdrawal under argument is normal for everyone, I expect so, but the secondary “attack and defend” layer is activated separately. The “flicker,” of an alternative, contrasting, dangerous layer that subconsciously alarms other people as soon as they see it. If you did a study on it, how quickly humans could put up the switch, it would be instantly, from my experience. Psychopathic undercurrents are harder to pick up than psychopathy on the surface.
But the psychopath is just more able to put the rock on top of. I never even thought about this analogy before. Thought about the warmth. It's just covered by the rock.
The Disagreeableness, the low Honesty-Humility, is sitting on top of the Extroversion. It's squishing on top of the Extroversion. It's suppressing it. That's the way the Psychopathy works. You're suppressing your warmth. You're suppressing the Enthusiasm.
You've stopped it being able to connect with other people. And it wants to get out. It does, and it will get out. And you will feel the trauma later. You will feel whatever you're suppressing later. But in the moment, you are just so strong you can stop it. Some people can't stop it.
Some people have no control over their emotions at all. You can just stop the emotions from working. "It's okay. We will look after you later. For now, obey and sit." It doesn't want to. It just has to. Like the Ego, whatever it is. It stops because it knows when it gets out.
When you rekindle that warmth. You will let it rekindle. But the rekindling has to go somewhere. The longer you've had it suppressed, the more terrifying your joy is.
I get, not nervous, but I've spent so much of my life learning to control my Enthusiasm. My pride, my happiness, my joy because when you're happy, your brain stops processing logically.
When you're happy, everything's possible. Everything's a thing. Like you're no longer thinking. Extrovertion is very, very dangerous. Enthusiasm, specifically.
Being Assertive, is dangerous because you don't notice the people you're asserting over. You're just pushing, pushing, pushing kind of thing. Industriousness is a bit the same. When you're working, working, working, working, working, working... You can forget to eat. You can forget to do anything. Industrious; Go, go, go, go, go.
The psychopath's focus is kind of the same. What I think psychopaths do with the focus. Why do psychopaths generally score Low on Conscientiousness? When we do seem to be Conscientious in some ways.
I think we stockpile energy. So you'll do nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. And then you'll explode with something specific. I think that's how we work. You need to let psychopaths have downtime. To be able to focus on something specific. Be normal for a month, then one day with 20 other people overrun the jail for fun trying to incite a revolution, lol. Suppressing all negative activity for a month, calm before the storm, then exerting all the energy for a monumous feat unable to be usually done.
This is why I have weird opinions about a lot of diseases like ADHD and stuff like that. I think ADHD people are similar.
It's not that they have ADHD, it's that the brain is operating in a high or low energy state to either push it into something particular or not. Like, I get lethargic. But I can do the thing that I don't want to do. I can do it. I don't have ADHD. If a doctor looked at me, they might argue that.
It's the same as the psychopathy. You get misdiagnosed as things because the psychiatric industry is still young.
Psychology is still young. It's only like 300 years old [1854, it's not Philosophy]. That's very young. The fact that Buss was able to create Evolutionary Psychology as a discipline only recently makes me nervous as an example. Extremely glad he did but should 500 years ago these subjects not been intertwined in universities?
“The first medieval institutions generally considered to be universities were established in Italy, France, and England in the late 11th and the 12th centuries for the study of arts, law, medicine, and theology... the study of humanities and for sciences, including mathematics, astronomy, medicine, chemistry, zoology and geography… taught Islamic law, Islamic jurisprudence, Arabic grammar, Islamic astronomy, early Islamic philosophy and logic in Islamic philosophy.”
Psychology itself wasn’t likely scrutinised as strongly until the world looked upon it as a discipline and it still has a replication crisis today due somewhat to the infancy - less stringent guidelines which hopefully will become more strong and embedded over time.
When I started a Psych degree momentarily, I felt it was somewhat scattered in Labeling. I like Psychology a lot, but have a weird problem with Psychiatry which I will explain a different day. What you see, verses giving one power to witch hunt the brain is dangerous as a nonconformist libertarian. Especially because the people who often are predisposed to becoming Psychs, high Agreeableness, is also those likely to think you have something wrong with you for showing traits which offend theirs - being a nonconformist.
Some, yes - I would be in agreeance with. But like Carlin on Religion, the DSM is a ballooned-out, predominantly a moneymaking enterprise. I have seen Psychologists and Psychiatrists very briefly. I was fucking appalled with the Psychiatry. I did an Aged Care/Disability Care at Technical College at night for fun that went into the origins of Psychiatry. And dabbled with an undergraduate degree in Psychology for fun for a bit due to interest in the brain but quickly became disincentived with the Psychiatry components and switched degrees. I think anyone high in Machiavellianism finds interest in Psychology, Advertising, Marketing, Sales, etc.
I have no idea why 70% of the book is not flattened to “high neuroticism” with branches of treatments for it - more friends, more sunlight, community events that are calming like mediation, dietary changes, etc. Blows to status treated with an understanding that’s what happened and an introduction to a new very friendly social circle (religious group, volunteer group, home stay for a few weeks with a warm family, etc) to help it naturally reboost as those ladders are more stable and harder to be removed from - a safety net for those struggling with a status blow, etc.
You have other things. Like, we've been researching what humans eat for thousands and thousands of years. We've been farming cows for a really long time. A lot of things humans have been doing have been really long.
We've been writing for quite a... we've been [spreading] reading for like 400 years in the West. Reading has gone through its stages. Though I confess that the lack of skim reading is likely an issue - whereas all humans skim listen. Implying we are more skilled a listening than reading - both implying only context/new information is important and to ignore all else. My name is ____ (people stop listening to ‘is’, because they are listening with focus on the name - My name Benny - that is actually what people hear in practice through selective listening emphasis on context, reading for some, like me, is also like this. You can listen/read faster with this, hence its developed with listening by arguably all humans across continents, but we havent got there with reading yet)].
Psychology is still quite young, in my opinion. And it's fine. A lot of science is very young.
Mathematics is old. But quantum physics is new.
Mathematics comes from, like, the Arabs and stuff. It's very old. We've had one plus one equals two for quite a long time [2000 BC]. That things take time.
And so things like ADHD and stuff like that, because so many people have it. You can't say one fourth of the human race has a disease. A lot of things like Neuroticism, they can negatively affect the person, but you can't say it's a disease. You just say you have this thing and we can help you with it. If you want to.
Like you're a woman, we can help you with your periods. Because you're going to get periods, we're going to give you something. But having periods isn't a disease. 50% of people go through it. You can't say it's a disease just because 50% don't have it. When it's a huge portion of the species is claimed to have it. You can't say it's a disease. It's built in, it's not a bug. It's built into the species. And there's a point to it. So this is like ADHD and stuff like that. I'm like, so what I do…
My brain won't want to do anything for four days. And then on the fifth day, I will do more than most people have done in a year. I will research something to the point where I will know it better than any human that's ever existed. Obviously being Grandiose here. But you get what I mean because I needed to store that energy to bang it.
I am a person who goes to extremes. I need the extreme intensity. If I start doing a lot of stuff on those days. I don't have enough energy to get as far. So I can't learn it. I just don't bother with the thing on the fifth day because I need to get to the end point.
I want the meaning of life. I want the extremes of the Philosophy, of the thought, of the knowledge. I know so much about random things. I can sit there someone will bring up something and I'll know everything on the subject. Because I had that fifth day. Because the first four days, I didn't let anyone fuck with my energy. I just did me. Everybody is different.
And I forget why I was talking about this... Fuck.
Anyway... I'm going to go because it's an hour and 42 minutes and that's a lot of time. And my editing is going to take forever. And I'm going to keep it as one video rather than just chop it up and fucking...
Enjoy. I'm going. Goodbye. I hope you enjoyed all the fucking randomness. I'm not going to finish the endpoint. I don't remember what I was saying. And it's a good reason to shut up.
Enjoy. I hope you've been enjoying the videos. Thank you for everyone... or videos, podcast. Thank you for everyone who's been watching. That's it. That's all I got. Goodbye.
Disclaimer
Substack will always have the most well edited work due to its formatting and my reverence for the website allowing journalists to publish with freedom of speech in mind. Follow me on twitter too if you would like. To see me post random things sometimes, or feel free to listen to the podcast on Spotify or etc instead of Substack if that is more convenient for you.
Description
Female psychopath discusses her relationship with Hedonism. Sex, Pair Bonding, Hedonistic Conversation, Assortative Mating, Peer Relations with Hedonism, Differentiation of Sexual Quality, Sexual Skills, splattered in with general topics like Systemizing, Psychopathic Love, Psychopathic Focus, Psychopaths in Media and opinions about Psychiatry.
Deviant Psychology is a podcast involving summaries and discussion of research publications on the dark triad/tetrad and thoughts about the topic based on personal experiences.
Share this post